This Week’s Topic: Everyone has a story to tell about parenting that can help others. What’s yours? I’ll share two examples from mine.
Light example: My 6 year old son is having a meal and he is constantly moving around in his chair. After repeatedly reminding him that he needs to stay still while eating so he doesn’t make a mess. Guess what he does? He knocks a glass full of water all over the table, floor,and his food. What do I do? Well, I give him a look and silently walk out of the kitchen and give myself a timeout in the bathroom. Yeah, I sometimes give myself a timeout rather than him. If I don't do this, I will lose control in front of him. Few minutes later, I return to the crime scene and find my son cleaning up the mess. He also apologizes with great remorse. We move on.
Heavy example: My second child was born extremely premature at 25 weeks abroad because I became ill. We were in a foreign land with a very small support network. To make a long story short, I was in and out of the hospital for two months before I had my daughter. She stayed 5 months in the NICU and underwent 5 major surgeries during her stay. When she was four days old, the doctors and nurses had lost hope. A nurse called me in my hospital room around midnight to advise that we may want to call a priest to perform her last rites. I remember crying on the phone saying that I just moved to Australia 2 months ago and didn’t know any priests. My husband had already left the hospital to be with our then 4 year old son. So, the hospital called in a priest from their directory close to midnight and my husband rushed back to the hospital. An hour later, the priest came and performed the ceremony. It was a surreal moment, in a nightmarish way.
It was the longest 5 months of my life! One of the things my husband and I did to cope with this trauma was to entertain people at our house on a regular basis. Some of our family and friends were quite puzzled by this and didn’t know what to make of it. My husband and I were very social people and had a large network back home in the States, but in Australia we knew only few people. We made a concerted effort to make new friends in a foreign land even though we were extremely drained from the hospital visits, meetings with doctors and nurses, attending to our son, and the overall stress of not being with our daughter. It was our way of coping. One of our Aussie doctors said it quite aptly: “You guys went to hell and back.”
Our daughter is doing remarkably well, with minor issues, such as being hard of hearing and has to wear hearing aids, has asthma, and chronic lung disease. She attends the state school for the deaf and we are both learning American Sign Language. She will be two years old next month and is a pure joy!
The miracle baby is a pure joy! Her smile and laugh lights up everything around her. When I feel down, I just need to think of laughing and my spirits are lifted!
ReplyDeleteI've heard people say, if you have a perfect child, why would you try for another one? What if something goes wrong? Why risk adding that kind of stress to your life?
ReplyDeleteReading your example of what you went through with your daughter reminds me what a miracle it is to have kids in our lives. It makes me thankful for not listening to nonsense. Whoever this child is in my belly, he will be perfect as long he is with us.
Any parent will have times of hardship with any child. It's about concentrating on the positives.
Lucas already talks about how he is going to teach his soon to be baby brother how to be a good boy. He has visions of his baby brother getting older and sharing a room. "We'll have beds next to each other." Never mind that they'll be 6 years apart or that there's no way two beds can fit next to each other in our house! :-)
I think this is also a good example of the other posts you've made. People are genuinely surprised that Lucas is excited for the new baby to come. I think if you follow a version of the authoritative style of parents (we do attachment parenting), give positive reinforcements, and many many many illusions of control to your child, your child will have very little reasons to feel threatened at the thought of another one coming along.
I like long comments :-)
Listening and Understanding…..
ReplyDeleteOur faith is an integral part of our family life. One Sunday on our way home from church my son (3 at the time) announced that he didn’t love God anymore and didn’t want to talk to Him. My son began to scold him, but I gently interjected.
See a few months back, my father’s horse, Brandy died of old age. My son then stated that he was angry with God because he would not give Brandy back to Pop Pop. By seeking clarification we discovered that he was simply hurt and confused. He was not trying to be defiant or disrespectful. He was sincerely expressing his feelings the best he knew how. As a result of seeking understanding we were able to discuss this with him in an open and safe environment.
As a parent and with others I feel like it is important to first understand and then be understood.
Laxmi13: First, congratulations on your new addition! Kudos to you guys for building a strong foundation with Lucas. You are absolutely right: when kids feel secure and loved, they will feel comfortable dealing with life's challenges such as having a new brother to share a room with. These are the building blocks for raising confident and happy children. Best wishes to you and your family!
ReplyDeleteAnonymous: Thank you for sharing how your faith has helped in creating a solid communication pathway between you and your son. Listening and understanding are so key in building a healthy bond with your child. However, I should add that listening is a skill that needs constant polishing. Often, people "hear" things, but are not really "listening." Therefore, without true listening there is no true understanding.
ReplyDeleteNamu- how sweet!
ReplyDeleteThis made me tear up! Thank you so much for sharing! Amy
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