Building Self-confidence (By Anshu Basnyat, LCPC)

Building Self-confidence

            As a therapist, when I counseled parents, I used the metaphor of a house to describe effective parenting.  When building a house, you first need a strong foundation then you can work on the interior of the house.  For the purposes of this blog, the love a parent has for their child is assumed.  The principles I have discussed thus far: effective discipline, consistency, positive reinforcement, illusion of control, structure and limit setting are the building blocks of effective parenting as in the foundation of a house.  The interior of the house represent the independent factors of effective parenting, and this can vary from one household to the next.  For example, confidence may be an issue in one family whereas it may not be in another. Therefore, without a strong foundation, you can not fix the individual issues in parenting.

            Self-confidence is directly related to self-esteem.  So what is self-esteem?  It is the way one perceives his or herself internally.  Self-confidence is the external expression of one's self-esteem. Therefore, higher the self-esteem, higher the self-confidence. I have outlined below some of the characteristics in those with high self-esteem and ways to foster high self-confidence in our children.
          It should be noted that a parent's own self-esteem and confidence level has a major impact on their child's.  The good news is, even if you need improvement in the self-esteem area, you can still fake self-confidence! This, of course, has implications in areas such as social relations, work, school, etc. More to follow on this matter in future writings.  Stay tuned!

Definition of High Self-esteem

•          Realistic and positive self-worth

•          Act independently

•          Assume responsibility

•          Take pride in their accomplishments

•          Tolerate frustration

•          Handle peer pressure appropriately

•          Attempt new tasks and challenges

•          Handle comfortable and uncomfortable emotions

•          Offer assistance to others

•          All of the above build SELF-CONFIDENCE

Fostering High Self-confidence

DO’s

•          Positive Reinforcement

•          Criticize behavior, not the child

•          Good communication (active listening)

•          Foster new learning

•          Be realistic with expectations

•          Seek help to treat any problems

•          Shared fun/quality time

•          Express affection

•          Let children learn from mistakes

•          Good discipline

DON’Ts

•          Expect perfection

•          Compare with others

•          Criticize the child

•          Rescue from natural consequences (“helicopter parenting”)

•          Blame the child for adult problems

•          Assign adult responsibilities

•          Bribe your child

•          Be disingenuous with praise